Today was a good day March 15, 20

Today seemed to be one of those days that goes on and on. This morning began rather slow, then it went full crescendo into excitement, determination and regained positivity. I know that people, myself included will go through shit in life that will create a negative day or two. Or in my case, a week..anyways….

I watched a movie, which is something I do a lot these days; good grief! called Joy. With Isabella Rosellini, a gorgeous woman I’ve always admired for beauty, Robert Deniro whom I love for his role in Stardust, Bradley Cooper whom I absolutely adore for his good looks and voice. Finally Jennifer Lawrence. She’s in several movies that are in my favourite pile. This movie was amazing! It was about a woman that was the glue of her family and had fallen upon hard times. She was driven crazy to the point she created an idea. This idea is what the movie was about. See? not only was Joy the backbone for several people, but she is still to this day one of the bigger inventors for the HSN. Fabulous. Throughout the movie she went through trials and tribulations but what made me love her was her perseverance and determination. 

This movie was just what I needed to see at the right time. I have been feeling hopeless, listless and a teeny bit depressed about this Queen Bee Cleaning company of mine. If Joy can go through so much bullshit in her life and “just keep swimming”, so to speak, then why the hell can’t I? I set out with positive and determination to make this day mine. By good grief did I kick it’s ass!! 

I now have enough information to properly write a good, solid business plan. l have complete hope and faith that this will work. I have a book of eco-friendly recipes for home cleaning supplies. I’ve got an arsenal of books to help me on my journey to becoming a successful entrepreneur. However, my books got a few chuckles from my husband. See? most of them were an idiot’s guide, or the complete dummies types of books. Whatever. I want the plain and simple version of everything broken down so my short reading attention, did that make sense? span doesn’t lose its flame. 

With renewed hope, regained positivity I am ready to try this again. I’m not going to let a few people or their negativity rain on my parade. I have Joy to thank for all of this. I will be finding out everything I can about her. See if she has succumbed to the social media side of the world. I’d love to be able to sit and chat with her to just be in the presence of such a beautiful and empowering woman. She knows what it’s like to be a little fish swimming in a tank/world full of sharks. Thank you so much Joy!!!

In the words of one of my favourite gangster rappers, Ice Cube “Today was a good day”. Indeed it was. I seemed to find myself, or at least caught a glimpse of that crazy determined girl I used to be. I am so excited for the future and what it holds for Queen Bee Cleaning. I’m excited for everything it can be, for the cleaning products I will create, for the people I will meet along my journey.For once in a very very long time, I am so positively excited for my future.

I hope you have had just a fabulous day as myself. I hope tomorrow brings nothing but amazing and awesome kick ass things for you! If not, try the next day. Dust yourself the fuck off, wipe those tears, get back on that saddle, grab that damn bull by the horns and hold on for the ride of your fuckin life! Just hold on, my lovely. You can do it!! 

It’s gone….the death of my trusty sidekick. March 14,2017

 I have been putting faith into one piece of technology for the last four or five years. I’ve had cell phones, five I think? and my good ole trusty IPad has always been there for me. Doing all my notes, giving me music to listen to, holding games that I’ve played to kill time. Now? It’s gone.

 I went out last Saturday and slipped on the idiot upstairs neighbours slippery patch of ice. I slipped, fell backwards and slid into their stupid gate. It knocked my touch sensors to my iPad to shit. Now it doesn’t even sense that I’m touching it. I gave it almost a week thinking that maybe, just like times before, it would magically work once again. Not so much. I don’t have the heart to toss it. So, I will keep it with the the graveyard of cells that I have loved and lost in the past. 

It brought to mind, how much of life has had that happen? Feelings, thoughts, unkempt promises, the death of wishes and hopes? How much do we actually just let go and become a part of our past? Sure we have lost loved ones, we all have, who hasn’t? I mean the little forgotten things? Old phone numbers, the feeling we got when we met the love of our lives, the hopes we had as children? Does everyone have a “graveyard” of things such as this? Such as my technology graveyard? 

I’ve been thinking that a mind compartment like Jonesy in “Dreamcatcher”, could be the best way to hold onto these forgotten things. Isn’t that a neat concept? Keep all memories, feelings, thoughts compartmentalized? In a warehouse, that’s your mind?  My warehouse would be filled with music, memories of good times I’ve had with people gone from my life, through death or just drifting apart. Useless information that would do no one any good, movie quotes…could you imagine? being able to see into the mind warehouse of different people? I think that could be a scary yet fascinating thing. 

On this note, I’m going to mourn the loss of my trusty old sidekick of an ipad. I hope you have more to mourn than just the loss of technology. As silly as it sounds, to me, that IPad was like a baby. Time to move on. Time to either fix it or find another trusty and hearty technological companion. 

RIP IPad 2011-2017.

Day by day

 Day by day, step by step; my chaotic life is finally beginning to make sense. I’ve decided to take it breathe by breathe. Not allow myself to get so overwhelmed with everything that is trying to turn my misshapen self from a lump of clay to a blob of …ick. Make sense? Savvy? as Captain Jack Sparrow would say.

 Day by day. The best way to make life, make sense. 

I believe that people have the ability to make a better life for themselves and for those around them.  all you need to do is just see it. Find the beauty in everything. As the old song by Ray Stevens “everything is beautiful, in it’s own way”. It IS!! Just look for it. 

This is where I get a little hypocritical here…I have been going through a bit of negative thinking these days. I am a firm believer in do good, be good and say good. Good things will come your way. However, I frown upon people that take advantage of good natured people like myself. I will help you, I will support you and the only thing I ask, is for you to help yourself and give back to those that help you.

 I don’t appreciate people that come into a troubled waters type of life and make those seemingly gentle rapids, white water. Not at all. I am a good person. I was raised to be a very good person with a good and huge heart. Strong, good hearted that has an easy mouth to open asap and strong opinion. I will do what I can to help you, once I find I’ve been taken advantage of, I will find every little fault in everything you do. I find once that happens, it takes a lot for you to get “back into the green” with me, so to speak. 

Example, if people have good hearts and take in someone, no lies. Help in whatever way you can. Don’t expect people to feed you their last bit of food and not offer to do dishes or offer to help them. Don’t expect to take over a house and not offer anything. HELP these people that are helping you for crying out loud!! Especially if you know that these people are helping you, so you can help them.

 Also, if you make money, don’t show up in the middle of the night drunk and expecting to just sleep and take their house hostage. Good grief. Don’t wake up and expect them to feed you, clothe you, bathe you and do nothing but be a drunk. Expecting them to just let you be an entity in their home. To just expect to be as you have been. I have never, since I was a child, been shown any easy way out. Tough. Love. 

Here’s where I will learn from my own actions, thoughts, feelings and words. I know I am a good person. I find beauty in everything, everyone. I just expect everyone to have the same heart, feelings and mind set that I do. This is where I fail. Everytime. This is where my faults come to light. I have a terribly hard time to recognize people and their heart, once they show me that they will lie, disrupt life as it is, expect everything and give nothing in return. I don’t trust you, it’s bad because I don’t trust people in general, after something like this happens. I trust no one

 I will work hard to not be so strong of opinion in my heart. I see the good, I FEEL the good, I just need to learn how to not be so cruel and deciding in my final thoughts on people. I have to learn that people will not have the same mind set, the same heart, the same upbringing I have. There will be users, people that take advantage of other people..This will be hard. 

Here’s to hoping I can overcome such quick deciding decisions to not trust people. To not trust anyone. I find that once I don’t trust a person, every person will be like that one. Not everyone will be so negative. I have to learn to keep believing in people, in humanity, in the hearts of everyone. 

On this final note…listen to Glee or the original version by Foreigner “Don’t stop believing”. Hold on to that feeling.. There are good people. There are good hearts. Even if it’s clouded by greed, unthinking and selfishness. Even if it’s not intended. Also, if there are people like this, say your/my peace. Then move on . If after, all is said and done, let them go. Have the balls to let them go. Not everyone can be saved. 

Happy Friday fuckers! 

It’s been a productive few days. Here, there..I’ve been all over. Trying to enrich my life with positive vibes and good people. Life is back to normal, I can forge ahead to my future. Today will be out and about. Hoping to be seen, be heard and socialize. 

After thinking about which direction my future will be taking, I’m determined to leave everything and anything, anyone negative. Life is too short to be stressed, anxiety filled and worried all the time. Adulting begins yesterday .

I hope you have an amazing Friday full of fabulous people, gorgeous smiles and infectious laughter.

Make some good memories! ❤ 

Ireland, my Ireland 

I’m falling hard for the thought of being in Ireland. My thoughts are always there. Dublin. Home of the sassy, crazy pants friend I have there. He makes a dull day exciting! I’ve been talking to him for about six seven years? It started out as flirting, now it’s more personal. I confide in him things I probably wouldn’t even put here 😳 Don’t get me wrong, it’s not perverted just personal. 

This person is such a good influence, I want to change my life. For the better. It’s been a while since someone has given me that feeling. That, is a good person to have in my life. Someone who makes me dream and hope for a better tomorrow. I need more of this type of person in my life! 

Goals. Time to start making and completing some. Get a job. Pay my bills. Get ID..again. Get a passport. Save money. Get to Ireland. Meet and thank this person for being so awesome, in my life. Done. I have something to work for. I need to get to Ireland. I have to find motivation to keep up striving for these goals. 

Sunday revelations. Change is coming…

It’s coming. It’s in the air. I’m tired of everything staying in this phase of stagnant existing. I’m growing tired of the cycles of negativity that keep looping. One year it’s good. Employed, good stable home. Happy socializing put and about life. Then the next year no work,nothing but alcohol, rage,  anger, yelling. That part of the cycle is so old. I find each time it goes through again, I push myself farther away. The anger I feel is growing into resent. Distrust. Hate. These emotions are not how I am defined. I’m a happy, positive, smiley, chatty and social person. These days I find more anger on my face than I do smiles. That is not who I am. 

Change will be a good thing. Back into happy and positive mode. Time to do things I love. Go for a walk, take pictures, talk to strangers, smile at everyone I see. I need to shake this negative aura shrouding my existence. Writing here will help. It will keep me focused on what’s happening. What can and will or will not happen. 

This weekend is a long weekend. Family day tomorrow. I have my bnb to do. I’m looking forward to getting out of this always dark place. It’s not my home. It’s just a place to me. I dread coming back here. It fills me full of worry, anxiety and there aren’t many good sleeps ive gotten here….enough. The first thing that has to go is the negative thinking. 

Rising from the rubble of my life, will be tough this time. It will and is going to happen. I just need to stay focused. Stay positive. Stay smiling even if I don’t feel it. 

When life gets too much, talk to a friend. They can help you, step by step into a safe zone. Away from your own head. Hell is empty, all the demons are in my head…I’m grateful for the few good people in my life. They’re helping me see that life is, can and will be good. 

Love and be good to everyone, they might be so bitter, sad or unhappy because they’re stuck inside their own hell.

Give your heart without expectations. 

Be  kind, be nice and always hope! ❤ 

It’s friday maddafuckers 

Today is such a gorgeous day here in Calgary! The sun is out and shining.Beautiful  people everywhere you look. It’s a good day to be seen and out taking pictures. I love beautiful sunny cool days like this.  It makes the soul feel good. Replenishing ,sort of. 

I hope hope your Friday afternoon was good, mine was fabulous dahling. I got a good rest, towent  clean my favourite little condo, enjoyed a sunny beer. Now I’m headed home to tidy up the house and look  nice. a It’s friends birthday and he’s having a party at a karaoke pub. Naturally, I’m going. Then it’s a little night adventure. 

Happy Friday everyone! I hope you have a good friday night.

May it be happy, full of love, laughter and good  memories.