Day by day, step by step; my chaotic life is finally beginning to make sense. I’ve decided to take it breathe by breathe. Not allow myself to get so overwhelmed with everything that is trying to turn my misshapen self from a lump of clay to a blob of …ick. Make sense? Savvy? as Captain Jack Sparrow would say.
Day by day. The best way to make life, make sense.
I believe that people have the ability to make a better life for themselves and for those around them. all you need to do is just see it. Find the beauty in everything. As the old song by Ray Stevens “everything is beautiful, in it’s own way”. It IS!! Just look for it.
This is where I get a little hypocritical here…I have been going through a bit of negative thinking these days. I am a firm believer in do good, be good and say good. Good things will come your way. However, I frown upon people that take advantage of good natured people like myself. I will help you, I will support you and the only thing I ask, is for you to help yourself and give back to those that help you.
I don’t appreciate people that come into a troubled waters type of life and make those seemingly gentle rapids, white water. Not at all. I am a good person. I was raised to be a very good person with a good and huge heart. Strong, good hearted that has an easy mouth to open asap and strong opinion. I will do what I can to help you, once I find I’ve been taken advantage of, I will find every little fault in everything you do. I find once that happens, it takes a lot for you to get “back into the green” with me, so to speak.
Example, if people have good hearts and take in someone, no lies. Help in whatever way you can. Don’t expect people to feed you their last bit of food and not offer to do dishes or offer to help them. Don’t expect to take over a house and not offer anything. HELP these people that are helping you for crying out loud!! Especially if you know that these people are helping you, so you can help them.
Also, if you make money, don’t show up in the middle of the night drunk and expecting to just sleep and take their house hostage. Good grief. Don’t wake up and expect them to feed you, clothe you, bathe you and do nothing but be a drunk. Expecting them to just let you be an entity in their home. To just expect to be as you have been. I have never, since I was a child, been shown any easy way out. Tough. Love.
Here’s where I will learn from my own actions, thoughts, feelings and words. I know I am a good person. I find beauty in everything, everyone. I just expect everyone to have the same heart, feelings and mind set that I do. This is where I fail. Everytime. This is where my faults come to light. I have a terribly hard time to recognize people and their heart, once they show me that they will lie, disrupt life as it is, expect everything and give nothing in return. I don’t trust you, it’s bad because I don’t trust people in general, after something like this happens. I trust no one.
I will work hard to not be so strong of opinion in my heart. I see the good, I FEEL the good, I just need to learn how to not be so cruel and deciding in my final thoughts on people. I have to learn that people will not have the same mind set, the same heart, the same upbringing I have. There will be users, people that take advantage of other people..This will be hard.
Here’s to hoping I can overcome such quick deciding decisions to not trust people. To not trust anyone. I find that once I don’t trust a person, every person will be like that one. Not everyone will be so negative. I have to learn to keep believing in people, in humanity, in the hearts of everyone.
On this final note…listen to Glee or the original version by Foreigner “Don’t stop believing”. Hold on to that feeling.. There are good people. There are good hearts. Even if it’s clouded by greed, unthinking and selfishness. Even if it’s not intended. Also, if there are people like this, say your/my peace. Then move on . If after, all is said and done, let them go. Have the balls to let them go. Not everyone can be saved.