It’s coming. It’s in the air. I’m tired of everything staying in this phase of stagnant existing. I’m growing tired of the cycles of negativity that keep looping. One year it’s good. Employed, good stable home. Happy socializing put and about life. Then the next year no work,nothing but alcohol, rage, anger, yelling. That part of the cycle is so old. I find each time it goes through again, I push myself farther away. The anger I feel is growing into resent. Distrust. Hate. These emotions are not how I am defined. I’m a happy, positive, smiley, chatty and social person. These days I find more anger on my face than I do smiles. That is not who I am.
Change will be a good thing. Back into happy and positive mode. Time to do things I love. Go for a walk, take pictures, talk to strangers, smile at everyone I see. I need to shake this negative aura shrouding my existence. Writing here will help. It will keep me focused on what’s happening. What can and will or will not happen.
This weekend is a long weekend. Family day tomorrow. I have my bnb to do. I’m looking forward to getting out of this always dark place. It’s not my home. It’s just a place to me. I dread coming back here. It fills me full of worry, anxiety and there aren’t many good sleeps ive gotten here….enough. The first thing that has to go is the negative thinking.
Rising from the rubble of my life, will be tough this time. It will and is going to happen. I just need to stay focused. Stay positive. Stay smiling even if I don’t feel it.
When life gets too much, talk to a friend. They can help you, step by step into a safe zone. Away from your own head. Hell is empty, all the demons are in my head…I’m grateful for the few good people in my life. They’re helping me see that life is, can and will be good.
Love and be good to everyone, they might be so bitter, sad or unhappy because they’re stuck inside their own hell.
Give your heart without expectations.
Be kind, be nice and always hope! ❤